


The Safest Place

by Jaune_Chat



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-31
Updated: 2012-05-31
Packaged: 2017-11-06 09:14:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/417208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaune_Chat/pseuds/Jaune_Chat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony found out Steve is leary of banks.  He tries to fix it.  Things go about as well as expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Safest Place

**Author's Note:**

> The author apologies for her severe lack of knowledge of financial history and banking practices!

"Steve, what the hell is this?"

Steve looked over where Tony was pointing and got a puzzled expression on his face. "Money."

"It's in your mattress."

"So?" Steve opened another box of clothing and began putting them away neatly. He knew moving to Stark Tower was going be a little awkward, but he hadn't expected Tony to invade his privacy before he'd even gotten properly moved in.

"Your mattress is stuffed with money," Tony stated incredulously. "Even I, who personally am so ridiculously rich that, if I wanted, could swim through piles of the stuff Scrooge McDuck-style, don't sleep on a pile of cash."

Steve got the "Scrooge" thing, but figured he'd look up the "McDuck" reference later. "Where else am I supposed to keep it? I haven't gotten around to getting a safe yet."

"Uh, in a bank," Tony said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Steve shook his head firmly. "No."

"My money's in a bank," Tony said.

"Several banks," Pepper corrected, sticking her head in the room and thrusting a tablet under Tony's hands for him to sign, which he did with ill grace. "Mostly in Switzerland."

"So you don't trust American banks?" Steve asked, figuring that proved his point.

"No, I have some money over here, I do, don't I?" At Pepper's nod, Tony continued, "It's just most banks aren't insured for a few billion dollars."

Steve paused, confused. "Banks are insured now?"

"Yeah, if they're robbed or fold, the government guarantees your money so it doesn't go poof..." Tony trailed off and stared at Steve, realization (and probably basic high school history classes) finally dawning. "You lived through the Depression, cripes, I keep forgetting you're like ninety years old."

Which Steve thought was sort of a lie, considering all the "old man" jokes he got, but then Tony's memory was selective when it came to some things. 

"I'm just keeping it safe," Steve said defensively, and shut the drawers firmly.

"You know it's a hell of a lot safer now than it was when you went under, right?" Tony asked. "I keep my money in banks, and I have a lot of it to lose. You can earn interest and stuff and get a credit card, then run up a huge debt like a true American..."

Steve paused, trying not to laugh. "Tony, I know I missed a lot, but I did get the highlights on the last seven decades. I know about 2008."

Tony's face fell.

"I think my money's safer in a mattress."

\---

Tony didn't leave it at that, because he was a Stark, and they never seemed to do anything halfway. He had JARVIS download a ton of information that Steve only understood about half of. He somehow corralled Pepper into giving Steve a financial lecture (or, rather, Pepper let Steve sit in the back during a meeting with Stark Industries consultants).

All of that really convinced Steve that the whole banking thing was even more complicated and frightening then when he'd gone under. 

\---

"But what if there's a fire?" Tony asked.

Steve sighed. Tony was coming up with some kind of nightmare scenario at least twice a day, trying to convince him to put his money "somewhere safer."

"Your sprinkler system is about as sophisticated as your Iron Man suit, I'm sure it won't even get singed."

"Or Bruce goes postal?"

Steve had to flip through his mental rolodex of new history to figure that one out. Postmen had always seemed pretty nice when he'd been a kid.

"He's not going to do that, and you know it, Tony," Steve said.

"But what-."

"Tony..." Steve tailed off, sighed, and went back to his bedroom. Tony wasn't going to quit. He carefully extracted two hundred dollars from his mattress and went back out into the main room. He got more than that in a day from S.H.I.E.L.D. for hazard pay (a heady thought, even with inflation), and figured he could take the risk just to shut Tony up about the whole thing.

"Ok, I'll give this a try. What's the worst that could happen?" Steve could think of a lot of ways, but what the hell, maybe Tony could be right.

Tony grinned and grabbed his jacket. "Come on, we're taking the Lambo!"

\---

"Everybody freeze, this is a stick-up! On the floor, now! Gimme your cell phones, don't touch that alarm! Move, move, move!"

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me," Tony muttered. "Go on, say it."

"Say what?" Steve hissed, crouched down behind a desk and quickly peeking out to see how many bad guys were there.

"'I told you so.'"

"Later. You see any more?"

"Two in the back, three in the front."

"You wired?"

Tony patted the thick silver case he never traveled without.

"I'm headed for the back, you suit up and cover me."

"Got it."

"Hey!" One of the robbers started stomping their way with a serious attitude and a big automatic weapon.

Steve picked up the top of a trash can and Tony triggered the latch on his case.

"Go!" Steve yelled, and sprang at the thief.

\---

Tony clicked back his visor as Steve finished making their statement to the police.

"...and by that time, we'd gotten them all rounded up. Thanks for responding so quickly, officer," Steve said, shaking the man's hand as he handed over the last cuffed miscreant. 

All five of the robbers probably needed a change of pants when they'd realized they'd manage to pick the only bank with Avengers in it. The lobby was a little worse for wear (a few bullet holes and some repulsor ray blasts), but no one had gotten hurt. Steve was going to call that a damn good day's work.

Tony shook his head slightly as the police finally filed out. "Ok, it's later now."

"No, it's ok," Steve said, uprighting the table he'd used to pin a couple of the guys against a wall. "Really."

"You don't have to be the bigger guy here, Steve. Just say, 'I was right and you were wrong, Tony.' It's therapeutic! Pepper does it all the time, and she says it totally helps to force me to keep my raging ego in check-."

Steve silenced him by holding up his brand new checkbook.

"Wait... what?"

Steve shrugged and nodded at the very nice lady named Barbara at window three. "She helped me set up my account."

Tony took a double-take. "When?!"

"When we were waiting for the police," Steve said calmly. "I'll go get the rest of my money later."

"We just stopped a robbery. Why did you decide that _here_ is the perfect place to keep your cash?" Tony demanded.

"Because we stopped it." Steve smiled.

Tony considered that for a second, and laughed out loud. "So having your money under the Avengers' protection is safe enough?"

Steve's grin broadened. "Safest place I know."

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for [avengerkink for the prompt:](http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/4305.html?thread=2944209) Fear of Banks  
> As a man who grew up during the depression, Steve Rogers just could not trust banks. So, Tony was shocked when he visited Steve one day to discover that Steve had his life savings hidden away in his mattress. 
> 
> Cue Tony trying to each Steve to trust the government (yes, the irony) with his money. He tries to have JARVIS and Pepper explain to Steve the fail safes in the banking system but only for Steve to get just more nervous. 
> 
> Bonus if Tony took Steve to a bank only for a robbery to happen while they are there.


End file.
